An Active Mind
by Amanda-Hargitay
Summary: It's midnight and Olivia can't sleep because of a certain someone who's on her mind. Warning: It is long but I do think it's worth it


Disclaimer: Anything you recognizes isn't mine such as: Characters, lines that may be from the show, or if you think this looks like a story someone else wrote

I will eventually update my other story but it will take some time because everything I had for it got deleted yesterday when my dad was doing something on my computer. UGH

P.S: No I did not get the idea of this story from anyone. I'm just bored and tired and can't stop over thinking into some things going on in my life right now

P.P.S: I really do hope you enjoy this as of right now it will be a one-shot unless someone likes it and wants me to add more chapters. Anyway ENJOY

Hours 1-2

He walked out, he left without any warning, he's the one that ignored my calls, he's the one that made me feel like the last 12 years were for nothing, he's the one that broke my trust, he's the reason I can't let anyone in, but he's also the only person I've ever loved. When I say loved I mean it, I did love him, I still do, but it's not the same kind of love. Now it's more of a yeah we're friends kind of love. I realized that when you love someone you do let them go and if they come back then it was meant to be, but I guess he's not coming back. It's been two almost three years since we last saw each other. Almost three years where the only way I heard his voice was when he didn't answer and it went to his voicemail. Most people wouldn't even consider him a friend after that long, but I guess I'm not most people. In a way I'm jealous of him. Jealous because he finally left this place, jealous because he isn't the one being called in at all hours of the night, jealous because he has a family, and jealous because he made it seem so easy to forget everything that had ever happened between them. I know I really shouldn't be jealous, I should be mad, sad, angry, and beyond pissed, but I'm not. No I'm happy for him too. If what I think is true then he gets to spend more time with his kids. Any time he missed with his wife he can try to make up for. I'm happy that his life isn't in too much danger away from this place. I know I think too much about him these days but how could I not. I mean I did spend twelve years of my life with the man. Saw him more than fourteen hours of each day, knew what he was think when he was thinking it and sometimes before he thought it.

Hour 3

I have now been sitting her for about three hours just thinking of him. The funny thing about it is I don't even say his name in my head because I know I'll start crying if I do. It's been three years and apparently I'm still not over him. Sure I'll never forget him but I really should NOT think of him as much as I do. Recently though that's all I've been thinking about and I can't figure out why. I mean just a couple of months ago I that about him maybe every other week or so. Maybe I was just too busy to think of him then. Maybe I just never saw or heard anything that made me remember him then. I really don't know but I do know that if I keep doing this I'll never get any sleep.

Hour 4

My body says I'm exhausted but my mind won't stop thinking. My brain can't slow down and stop thinking about him for a second. My eyes flutter every other minute, I yawn constantly, and I keep tossing and turning. I just can't sleep not tonight, maybe not ever. I try to sleep I really do, but my mind is on over drive. I silently wish my phone would go off right now letting me know I have a job to do, but not tonight. No tonight it seems like no one wants to do anything and they want me to suffer another sleepless night at home. I try to close my eyes and will myself to sleep but it doesn't work. Eventually sitting in my bed just gets to boring so I get out and start pacing back and forth leaving the light off.

Hour 5

I paced back and forth for about 20 minutes and worked up a small appetite. I walk into the kitchen to see if I had any food that wasn't expired in my fridge. Nope, no such luck because that would be too easy and in my world easy just doesn't happen. The easiest thing that's ever happened to me is joining this job and becoming best friends with my old partner. Of course every little thing that goes through my mind reminds me of him. Anything from what I ate to what I hear reminds me of him. I can see I little blonde curly hair boy on the street and it reminds me of HIS kids. I'll put one on of his shirts that I claimed as mine and think of how I came to get it from HIM. My new partner will pick me up sometimes and it'll remind me of when he did that for me. I get sick and I think he'll magically show up at my door just to check on me. Only thing is he's never coming back.

Hour6

I have to be at work in a little over an hour so I figure I might as well get ready. I walk over to my closet and the first thing I see is his sweats I took from him a couple of years back. The memory brings a smile to face as I remember _I was sneaking into the locker room one night and putting them in my bag and then looking outside to make sure nobody saw. The next day at work he had asked me about it and I just burst out laughing. This earned me a couple of looks from everyone around at the time. _I push the sweats aside and get out what I am going to wear today. I don't feel the need to take a shower seeing as how I took one last night so I go ahead and apply a little bit of makeup. After my make-up is finished I slightly curl my hair. The curls aren't too big but you can tell that they are there. I finally get dressed grab my badge and gun and head out the door.

Hour7

We caught a case that had to deal with a little girl that was abused by her mother. The father had come in that morning demanding something be down to stop his ex wife from hurting his little his girl anymore. The man's determination to protect his daughter reminded me of how HE had reacted when he saw a picture of his daughter up on that website a long time ago. We arrested the mother and left everything else regarding the punishment to the ADA. I finally went up to cribs after telling fin to wake me up in a couple of hours unless a case came in. I lay in his old bed and got my first sleep in a week.

I hope you liked it. Review and let me know if you did or didn't


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